FAKE NEWS DAILY REPORT

29th June 2023 Edition

PUTIN GETS PAT ON THE BACK FOR $3 MILLION ISKANDER MISSILE STRIKE KILLING 12 UKRAINIANS, VERY COST EFFECTIVE SAYS HE

Moscow, Wed.:- Vladimir Putin received a standing ovation at the Kremlin for killing 12 Ukrainians with a $3 million Iskander hypersonic missile targeting a pizza restaurant in the eastern Ukrainian city of Kramatorsk believed to be a popular eating joint for military personnel as well.

   "A $3 million missile strike for 12 Ukrainian fatalities is very good odds," he remarked in a victory speech. "This is why we need to increase special operation-related taxes by 500% per person, so that we can kill more Ukrainians with our expensive but deadly weapons," he said, before going around to shake hands amidst getting pats on the back for a job well done.

  FAKE NEWS DAILY REPORT

11th June 2023 Edition

PUBLIC BANK SEBERANG JAYA ATM KIOSKS RENDERED INOPERABLE BY HACKERS

Butterworth, Sunday:- In a bizarre case of ATM kiosk hacking of historic proportions, all four ATM kiosks at the Public Bank Seberang Jaya branch on mainland Penang were rendered inoperable allegedly by hackers whose mastermind was believed to be a former Public Bank employee with a laundry list of grudges against the banking giant.
   Believed to have occurred some time between noon and one o'clock in the afternoon today, all four ATM kiosks as well as the two cheque deposit machines at the Seberang Jaya branch of the banking giant were found to have been rendered inoperable, displaying 'Out Of Service' notifications on their screens.
   "I used to think Public Bank was the worst amongst all the various banks here in terms of service, especially on weekends and public holidays," said a bank customer found banging his head against a pillar outside the bank in question, who wished to remain anonymous, "but if hacking is involved," he continued, "I guess you couldn't really blame them for the poor quality of ATM accessibility service Public Bank customers have to suffer through every now and then," he went on. "It's a miracle their customer base hasn't defected to the other banks out of sheer frustration," he finally said.