FAKE NEWS DAILY REPORT

23rd Sept 2026 Edition

MYSTERIOUS AFFLICTION BELIEVED TO BE BIBLICALLY LINKED FINALLY IDENTIFIED

   Jerusalem, Wed.:- The mysterious but deadly affliction believed to be biblically linked that continues to ravage millions across the globe has finally been identified, pending official verification and attestation by medical authorities.

   According to Moshe Avner Levi, the Chief Rabbi of Jerusalem, the mysterious but deadly affliction, characterized by painful mouth sores, madness and eventual heart rot or decay, following clinical studies, appears to have a direct biblical link whereby it is said that whoever blesses Israel would be blessed and whoever curses Israel would be cursed, clinical studies which also found a deeply rooted hatred for Jews worldwide including Israel in 99.99% of the patients in the study group.

   Furthermore, as pointed out by the Chief Rabbi of Jerusalem, everyone in the comparison group, mostly from countries or communities at peace or on good terms with Israel, was found to be healthy, wealthy, or both, and had nothing bad or critical to say about Israel or Jews worldwide.

   "I'm calling it," said the good rabbi, "the Whoever Curses Israel Affliction, or the WCIA illness for now, or until someone comes up with a better, or more scientific, name," he concluded.

   Unofficially, it went on to be referred to as the Whoever Curses Israel Is F**cked illness by popular demand in certain circles, both online as well as offline.

 FAKE NEWS DAILY REPORT

20th September 2026 Edition

 MISS ISRAEL TO BE KICKED OUT OF MALAYSIA

Kuala Lumpur, Sunday:- Malaysia, first-time hosts of the prestigious Miss Universe 2030 beauty pageant, has detained Rachel Mordecai, 18, the reigning Miss Israel, who was arrested at the Miss Universe 2030 auditorium at the Continental Hotel during opening night rehearsals on charges of entering the country illegally.

According to a senior immigration official at the scene, Rachael Mordecai, representing Israel, had entered the country using an Argentinian passport, a dual passport holder tactic commonly employed by blacklisted nationals, or citizens of blacklisted countries, when attempting to enter the country illegally, or, in spoof lingo, under the radar.

She is scheduled to appear in court with her handler, spoof lingo for field liaison officer, who was arrested on the same night, and will together face charges for illegal entry and suspicion of being a spy for the Zionist entity, according to n unnamed official familiar with the matter.

For the record, Malaysia neither recognizes nor has diplomatic ties with Israel which it views as an invading entity illegally occupying sacred Arab land usurped from the people of Palestine by means of a seventy-year-long genocidal war.