FAKE NEWS DAILY REPORT
16th May 2023 Edition
MALAYSIAN AIRLINES PILOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CRASHING PLANE DUE TO MISUNDERSTANDING AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER'S INSTRUCTIONS ADMITS TO CHEATING IN HIS ICAO LEVEL 4 ENGLISH PROFICIENCY EXAM
Jakarta, Tuesday:- In what might possibly be the makings of a scandal for Malaysian Airlines, the pilot of Malaysian Airlines KUL-DPS flight MH007 who crashed his Boeing 737 from Kuala Lumpur while attempting to land at Bali's international airport whose runway had been significantly damaged and rendered inoperable and unusable by an earthquake, when queried as to why he did not do as he was advised by Bali air traffic control to do, which was to re-direct his flight destination to the neighboring international airport at Lombok, admitted he did not understand what Bali air traffic control was saying.
When asked to elaborate on what he meant by that, the Malaysian Airlines pilot in the dock, Zahid Johari Zainuddin, pseudonym, a University of Malaya Malay Literature & Linguistics as well as Classical & Modern Bahasa Malaysia double-degree magna cum laude honors graduate, admitted to having cheated in his level 4 ICAO English proficiency exam.
Amid a collective gasp of incredulity sweeping though the courtroom, counsel for the prosecution, I. Will Nailyoo, himself stunned with disbelief, continued with his cross-examination of the defendant.
"Pray tell this court and the esteemed members of the jury, Sir, exactly just how such an incredulous feat was accomplished?" he queried.
"Google Translate. In the written exam, I used Google Translate, in secret, of course. And in the oral exam, or viva voce, I asked a friend, who spoke English rather well too I might add, to impersonate me, which he succeeded in doing rather convincingly well, as there was no way the exam board members had of knowing it wasn't me. No facial recognition scans, no fingerprint or palm print scans, no ID card verification checks, na da, nothing. All my friend, the impersonator, had to do was point out where his name on the attendance checklist was and that was that. The rest, as they say, was history," explained the defendant in a tone that eerily sounded both arrogant and defiant, if not tinged with a sprinkling of pride too as well, all of this explained in his native tongue, Bahasa Malaysia, or Malay, as English he spoke almost not a word, being a proud Malay who despised the Englishman for having humiliated his ancestors by colonizing and lording it over them during colonial times, and who swore upon their ancestral heads, upon which he muttered blessings in Arabic, he would have nothing to do with the Englishman, his ways or his language, a language in which an ICAO Level 4 fluency or proficiency grade was required by international aviation law for obtaining a pilot's license, and vowed he would live to see the day Malay, or Bahasa Malaysia, finally came to be accepted as one of the official languages of the world, like many of his peers and fellow Malay language proponents at all levels of society on a national scale, from humble fishermen in their boats to high-ranking officials in the Prime Minister's office as well as in the hallowed chambers of Parliament itself, or die in the attempt, no pun intended, of course.
