FAKE NEWS DAILY REPORT
5th February 2023 Edition
BEIJING CELEBRATES SUCCESS OF U.S. AIR DEFENSE SYSTEM FLAW EXPOSING TEST BY DEPLOYING WEATHER BALLOON FICTICIOUSLY GONE ADRIFT IN U.S. AIRSPACE
Beijing, Sunday:- "Shooting down a weather balloon suspected of spying on classified military installations five days after being detected has exposed a major flaw in the U.S.'s air defense capabilities," said a Foreign Office official at a press conference at the foreign office in Beijing today, speaking on condition of anonymity, "a major flaw Beijing considers to be a victory for the glorious People's Liberation Army," she went on to say.
"The wealth of information reaped unhindered over a period of five days by our eye-in-the-sky is not only a victory for our comrades from the intelligence-gathering community," she continued, "the manner in which it was shot down safely out at sea five days after being detected is also a victory for our comrades from the war planning community," she said.
"Unfortunately, as what I have disclosed to you has been classified as top secret, it is with utmost regret that I, acting on instructions received from our beloved Chairman, am duty-bound to inform you that none of you will be allowed to leave this building until further notice. Your families will be informed of your unexpected detention, and if necessary, they will be taken care of by our comrades from the state welfare community. You will now be escorted from the premises by our comrades from the security community to where you will be transported to your temporary lodgings. As for members of the foreign press, your respective embassies or consulates will be notified accordingly. Thank you for your cooperation," she finally said.
Meanwhile, over at the department of defense, it was rumored there was talk of, in a war scenario, saturating U.S. airspace with high-altitude combat-capable balloons fitted with surveillance cameras for target coordinates data computing-&-relaying purposes and a low-altitude-detonating high-explosive-capacity device for shootdown situations, but the cloud of secrecy was so dense it was difficult to ascertain if there was any truth to it, and besides, the presence of plainclothes security personnel, after word of what happened at the foreign office press conference leaked out, deterred anyone from venturing further into the investigative reporting void than was advisable.
Meanwhile, over at the department of defense, it was rumored there was talk of, in a war scenario, saturating U.S. airspace with high-altitude combat-capable balloons fitted with surveillance cameras for target coordinates data computing-&-relaying purposes and a low-altitude-detonating high-explosive-capacity device for shootdown situations, but the cloud of secrecy was so dense it was difficult to ascertain if there was any truth to it, and besides, the presence of plainclothes security personnel, after word of what happened at the foreign office press conference leaked out, deterred anyone from venturing further into the investigative reporting void than was advisable.
